The time for gathering with friends and family to carve and eat the Thanksgiving turkey, and to prepare our homes for Christmas day by “decking the halls”, is almost upon us. 

For many of us this is a joyous time of year, full of festivities and fun, but for those who deal with the challenges of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), or another type of neurodivergent disorder, this can be a time of anxiety and angst.

Such was the case for my youngest daughter, Adrianna, who was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in early 2023. She recently shared that the holidays have always presented triggers for her. Everything from the parties, to the changes in routine that the holidays bring, and the different foods, felt like an attack on her senses. 

Listening to and learning alongside my daughter, as she navigates and manages her challenges with ASD, gives me a unique opportunity to share some practical solutions that can help others with neurodivergent issues. Below are four suggestions that will hopefully enable you, or someone you love, enjoy the holiday experience and avoid a crisis.

1. Watch your diet.

Holiday foods can be a major hurdle for people who have ASD, and for those who struggle with other neurodivergent disorders.

A 2013 study found that children and adults with autism have increased immune reactivity to gluten, a protein found in wheat, as shown by higher levels of gluten-related antibodies in their blood. 

Most holiday menus are filled with gluten-filled foods which present particular problems for people who need to avoid wheat-based foods, so here are some dining alternatives.

If you’re attending a potluck, bring your own dish or entree to share.This way you know there will be something for you to eat. If you have been invited to another type of event, eat before you go, and that way you’re not hungry, and won’t feel the pressure to eat things that are not good for you. Fix something to eat before you leave, and plan on eating when you return.

Ironically, my daughter, a culinary arts student and the owner of Cauthen Confections, a home-based baking business, discovered that she is gluten-intolerant after becoming very ill in early 2023.

As a result, she began to explore gluten-free, alternative recipes for some of her desserts and favorite savory dishes. This allows her to still eat most of her favorite foods during the holidays, and she is also able to offer gluten-free alternative dessert options to others who are allergic to gluten.

2. Control the stimulation.

As the mother of a daughter with ASD, I have come to understand how important it is for my daughter to listen to her body and make the necessary adjustments to regulate. 

Being overstimulated can cause a person dealing with a neurodivergent disorder like ASD to become dysregulated, so it’s important to give yourself permission to pull away from the crowd when you’re feeling overwhelmed. 

If you’re having a party in your home, you may need to quietly remove yourself and go to your bedroom, for a few minutes. If an event is taking place at another venue, go outside for a little while to get away from the noise, or go and sit in your car. 

Some people with ASD, like my daughter Adrianna, have particular problems with rooms where there is no carpet to absorb the sounds. The echoes and the cacophony of sounds created when lots of people come together overloads her senses. 

When this happens, she will find another part of the building where it’s quiet and sit by herself for a while. If she’s in a public space, like a mall, she will use a set of headphones to drown out noise.

3. Set goals for social gatherings.

Social gatherings can be tricky business for lots of people, but for those who struggle with ASD, it can be a living nightmare. 

Adrianna shared that seeing extended family and old friends that she hadn’t seen in a longtime, and who expected her to pick up the relationship where they had last left off felt weird and awkward. Reconnecting socially can be especially hard for someone who has ASD and is already struggling with social anxiety.

One of the things to remember is that you don’t have to talk or interact with everybody. 

Find a small group of people, and chime in about something relevant when you feel comfortable. 

Plan some things ahead of time that you would like to share with others. If you’re at a gathering with people you know, share updates about your life. You can even use the time to educate people about ASD, although don’t overdo it. You don’t want to turn the gathering into an ASD workshop. When you feel like you have met your goals, or if you feel yourself getting drained and tired, pull away to a quiet place, or leave the party.

One interesting fact that my daughter, Adrianna, shared is that she seems to connect more easily with people who are different from her in some way. 

For example, if she were to meet a 23-year-old Black female who had a similar background as herself, that person would have all of the cultural context to see all of the ways in which she differs, however, if she were to strike up a conversation with a 40-year-old man from Mexico, they would not necessarily see her as odd. 

The great thing about doing this is that it allows you to cross cultural, racial, and gender boundaries and make a wide variety of friends.

4. Take time to reset.

As I mentioned previously, the holidays and all that comes with it, can be physically and emotionally draining, so you must take time out to reset.

There are many ways to do this, and ultimately, you have to decide what’s best for you.

Some of the ways my daughter, Adrianna, resets herself is by getting to a quiet place, usually her bedroom, and getting away from noise. As an introvert and someone who has ASD, being alone is restorative and live-giving.

Refreshing oneself can include writing your thoughts down in a journal, taking a walk or doing some other form of exercise, curling up on the sofa with a cup of tea and watching a classic holiday movie, going to a yoga class or winding down with your favorite tunes. 

And don’t forget to breathe– a deep in-through-the-nose-out-through-out-the-mouth, slow release, cleansing kind of breath.Taking time to be still and breathe deeply, at regular intervals throughout the day, helps to heal both body and soul.

Wishing you all the happiest of holidays, and remember to take care.